This year I’m turning 27 (eek!) and 2017 taught me alot about dating, love and relationships. I ended a terrible relationship and threw myself back into the dating world, continuously learning about myself and want I want from a relationship. I came to understand the difference between a Fuck Boy and a Forever Boy and as a result, Why Women Date Players. I mused on Why Women Can’t Handle Casual Relationships in this day and age, and what the best way was to Play the Tinder Game.
As a result, I’m determined not to make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past this year, so I’ve made a list of ‘love lessons’ I’m taking into 2018 to try and keep me on track. I hope some of you can relate to these and take them on board too!
1. Whenever you meet someone new, you need to assess what they ADD to your life, rather than just be grateful for their presence – especially if they are actually making your life worse. It sounds simple but so many people don’t take this into consideration.
2. You never need to convince someone to be with you – if they don’t realise it for themselves then they are not the one for you.
3. Game playing and rule setting is pointless – with the right person it won’t matter how long it takes for you to text back or how soon you ask to see them again.
4. You just need to be yourself – don’t force yourself to like different music, dress differently to how you normally would, or hang out in bars you wouldn’t normally go in. Just be you, the right person will totally embrace the real you, and the wrong person will see right through the fake person you are trying to be.
5. Ghosting has sadly become a norm in dating life, but when it happens it’s more a reflection of them than it is of you – try not to take it too personally.
6. Positive mental attitude and self confidence go way further than padded bras, too much makeup and ten inch heels.
7. You attract what you give out. How many times have you seen a beautiful sweet woman with a horrible man? (Or vice versa). Those people don’t value themselves enough to attract the right person. They give off negative vibes and as result attract negative people.
8.You end up with what you deserve – my Dad told me this once and the phrase has forever stuck with me. I found it offensive and unnecessarily harsh at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised it was true. If you stick with someone that doesn’t treat you properly, doesn’t make you happy and you fundamentally know you can do better than, then that is what you deserve. If instead you choose not settle and hold out until you find the right person, then whoever may eventually cross your path that fits your criteria will also be what you deserve.
9. You can’t change people – I have heard countless tales of people saying ‘ if only they would change XYZ.’ You can not change people. You may be able to change annoying habits like leaving the toilet seat up, but fundamental personality traits you can’t. If someone is an introvert, a party animal, arrogant, unemotional, unsupportive – that is who they are. You are wasting your time trying to change the traits you don’t like in your partner. You need to decide if you think the traits you don’t like are a deal breaker, and if so – leave the relationship. Or, if they are minor and more annoyances than deal breakers, just learn to deal with them.
10.Pick and choose your fights – before you decide to fall out about something with your partner, decide if it’s worth it, will it really make a big difference or are you just in a bad mood, looking for a reason to pick fights? If you keep wearing someone down with small nips, eventually they will turn into something big.
11.If you are feeling distant from someone, or if you’re in the early painful stages of casually dating and you’re not sure where you stand, instead of being equally distant back, be open and honest. Tell them exactly how you feel and what you want. The wrong ones will run away but the right ones will stay.
12. Trust your gut -your gut instinct is there for a reason. If I asked you now – do you think the person you are with is right for you? Your gut will immediately give you the right answer. It might not be the answer you want it to be, but it’s ultimately the one that you know deep down is right.
13. Never ever settle. This is my number one love lesson. I may have dated a heap of terrible men but I know that I will never ever settle. I look around at so many of my friends that are settling in relationships because we are all reaching that age in society where we ‘should’ be settling down. I would much rather be single until I’m 30, then settle with someone I know isn’t right and end up single with 2 kids at the age of 38.
To my ever lovely readers, what do you think? Do you agree with my love lessons? Do you have any others you’d like to share?