We have all been there.
You go on a great first date, he seems really keen and asks to see you again, but 24 hours later you still haven’t heard from him. You agree to swap numbers on Tinder to speak on Whatsapp, but then he never materialises. You ask him that all important question:
‘where is this going?’ he reads it and then silence ensues for an agonising period of time.
What I’ve realised recently, is that pretty much all women have the same thought process when they are waiting out this painstakingly long bout of silence, and it sounds something like this:
‘He must be busy.’
‘Did I give him the right number?’
‘Has he forgotten who I am?’
‘I’m sure he’ll text soon.’
‘How busy can the guy be?’
‘I must definitely have given him the wrong number, maybe I changed the last digit?’
‘He’s probably fallen ill.’
‘Maybe a family member died? That would make sense, obviously he wouldn’t have time to text if that was the case.’
‘WAIT he’s just posted an image on Instagram. Wtf? Why would he do that before texting Me? I’m not a happy bunny. He will be getting a short sarcastic response from me when he does eventually decide to text.’
‘Ok I’ve been to the gym, watched Netflix, eaten a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and still nothing. I give up. I’m getting back on Tinder. Screw him, screw men. I’m going to be singled forever. I’m actually going to be that crazy old cat lady, and I don’t even like cats.’
*boy texts*
‘hey babe, sorry for the delay. How are you?’
‘Yay! He text! Praise the lord! Faith has been restored in this world!’ *does a little victory dance*
‘But I’m going to make him wait for a response, just like he made me wait.’
*10 agonisingly long minutes later – I text him back.
I think our main downfall with texting men is that we expect them to behave how we would behave, or how our female friends would speak to us, all whilst forgetting the slightly important fact that they are male.
There can be an endless amount of reasons why a guy doesn’t text you back for a while, or if at all.
They might want to avoid having an indepth chat, they might want to create some space, they might not actually enjoy texting in the first place, they might not want what they say to misunderstood.
But a reason I have found to be usually the more common ( both from asking guys I’m texting and male friends who are texting women they like) is that they are just BUSY. Whilst some women like to do their makeup, eat their lunch, chat to their best friend, watch the latest episode of Stranger Things AND text a guy all at the same time, some guys prefer to just do one thing at a time. So if you’ve text them on the way to the gym, they may well finish their gym session, head home for a shower, make a snack, settle down infront of the TV and THEN send you a text. Not because they like you any less or because they are trying to keep you hanging, but simply because that’s just how they function. (According to one male source I questioned!)
To my ever delightful readers, what do you think? Ladies – do any of the thoughts I shared above resonate with you? Men – do you agree with any of the reasons I listed above as to why men might not text back for a while?
Giulia x
Firstly, I love reading your thoughts and insights so thanks for that.
Secondly, well I generally text asap because I hate being kept waiting and don’t like to think I am doing that to someone.
Although yes men dont multi function in the sane way women do.
Focus on one thing first do it as best you can then next job. Also if you are going to text someone you want to make sure you are conveying what you want to say and arent going to be misunderstood, especially if you are keen on someone.
Although I am older so it maybe a different game.
Be safe
Author
Thank you Pete, that’s very kind of you to say! Thanks also for sharing your insights as to why you do or don’t text back -wanting to make sure you are conveying the right message is an interesting one!
Very insightful.
Men’s general lack of ability to multi-task is definitely reason number 1, I’d say. 🙂
Also — and often — a simple desire not to look too keen (!)
Author
Thank you Buffy! Glad you agree on the multi tasking element – even though as a woman that is hard to understand haha.
Haha, true: it’d be tempting for me to deny that guys can’t multi task — but we’d both know I’d be lying. 😉
Keep up the good posts!
Author
haha at least you are honest 🙂 and thank you!!
Personally and from personal experience, I just think women need to get a life. This applies to me too being a woman. Have a life that is jam packed with activities you love doing. I have found myself worrying less if a guy hasn’t texted back those times when I was quite busy doing my own thing. I would actually text a guy and even forget I texted until I got a reply back later on. Funnily enough, I once had a guy complain about my communication habits via phone. I worked then in a place where we weren’t allowed phones during our shift hours so I would switch mine off. The minute I would switch it on after I had wrapped up my shift I would get a text from him asking why my phone was always off and frequently, a call would follow. Our work rules concerning phones never seemed to make any sense to him. Turns out the guy in question actually had an ex he was still in love with and soon enough, went back to. So whether you spend the whole day texting with a guy or not, his phone habits should never be used to gauge his level of interest in you. A guy in love actually makes time to see you in person.
I like this comment very much. Thanks!
Author
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Lorna, I definitely agree that keeping busy makes a big difference. There is nothing worse than having nothing to do and staring at your phone, willing a message to come through!
Good post! Yes it resonates! And I’m 48. If that means anything. Haha. With guys of all ages, this can be common.
Author
Yay I’m glad it resonates to women across all ages 🙂 happy that you enjoyed the post!
As DefinitelyLorna points out, staying busy, I also am not too concerned about a guy. Not as busy, I check my phone and wonder.
Author
Very true!
It had never occurred to me that the texting differences could be as simple as men not being good multi-taskers. This makes a lot of sense!
Author
It does doesn’t it? Also kind of reassuring!
that’s a crock!
if a guy is really in to you, he will text back pretty quickly. exception being if he cant because of work or something serious going on, or he’s scared of seeming “too interested”.
anything else is not a reason, but an excuse!
Hmmmm. I’m not at all convinced, I think the ‘too busy’ line is a cop out. If someone likes you they won’t want to leave you hanging, and if they do keep you hanging it ends up as some kind of game. It’s just a courtesy to reply, and nobody is so busy that they can’t text to say, ‘I’m busy right now, will text later.’ If someone can’t even be arsed to do that then they’re generally not worth the time and effort. Guess this is why I hate dating! The same goes on with women too. Bottom line, they’re not that into you!
Author
Well yes exactly that!! If someone is interested, they will make it clear. If someone isn’t, they will also make that clear!