It is a well known fact that women are drawn to men that are blatant players or bad boys as oppose to the type of men that usually end up well and truly in our friend zone. I wrote a blog post last week on the The difference between a fuck boy and a forever boy, which details how to identify which one you are dating, but I wanted to explore why, with online dating more common than ever it’s becoming seemingly more apparent that whilst many women complain about never been treated properly, we still seek out men that treat us like crap.
Why?
We want what we can’t have
Because we enjoy a challenge. We don’t appreciate things as much if we have them for free so we step up to try and catch (and keep) the eye of a bad boy.
We think we can change them
We are naive in thinking that our amazing personality and understanding ways will cause said boy to suddenly realise the error of his ways and decide to commit himself to us wholeheartedly.
Natural instincts
If we take it back to basics, the reason we are attracted to a cocky self assured man who might otherwise refer to himself as an alpha male, is because nature is telling us that he has the strongest sperm. Even if we consciously try to move away from these men, subconsciously our bodies (and ovaries) are pulling us towards them.
There are more of them
Apparently. According to stats, because we all know how much we can rely on them. I think it’s more likely that nice guys are starting to realise the best way to keep a girl interested is to treat her mean, even if they don’t necessarily mean it.
We enjoy the excitement
Even though in an ideal world we want to settle down and be happy in an easygoing marriage it also screams: boring, routine, YAWN. Spending time with a guy who messes us around keeps us on our toes and guessing his next move.
They are perfect for a casual fling
With the likes of Tinder & Bumble providing an infinity of men at our fingertips, it removes most of the effort involved in finding a man for a casual fling. Whilst nice guys are great, they’re not ideal if we are looking for something non-committal. We know with a player we can bow whenever we’re not feeling the relationship anymore and it won’t involve a series of awkward breakup texts.
We lust after them
Their arrogance, mystery and endless charm create the illusion that they not only know exactly how to pleasure a woman but they are very skilled at it.
To my ever lovely readers – what do you think? Have you (either men or women!) experienced dating someone that is a ‘player?’
Giulia x
A perceptive post: well done (!)
I think it can be very true for men, too… especially for the ‘excitement’ and ‘challenge’ points.
Sadly I dated mostly ‘players’ until I was in my 30s. Looking back I realise I knew what I was doing, albeit much in denial — and thinking I was far more mature/sophisticated than I actually ever was. 😉
Author
Thank you! Glad you like it 🙂 haha don’t we all think we are more mature and sophisticated than we actually are? Hindsight is a great thing!
You’re welcome — and very true: hindsight gives us Socratic levels of wisdom! 😉
But the good news is, in the real world, we do live & learn. 🙂
Author
That’s true 🙂
All your points make sense 😉
Author
Thanks!
Spot on Giulia. The same goes the other way. I am currently communicating with someone whom with we mostly just hookup. She gives me like zero real interest. I think it’s partly because she saturates me with contact. She’s just always there. I think men sometimes end up with “bitchy” women for the same reasons. Nice girls can be boring. There is no challenge when they flood the market with themselves, yet they don’t realize it. I’ve never been attracted to women that are docile and too much of a people pleaser. I am sure women look at a nice dude and can’t help but feel that such a guy can’t create adventure, and maybe its a genuine assumption. (FYI, I made a new blog.)
Author
Exactly! That’s the point I was trying to make 🙂 I think it works both ways, and doesn’t just apply to relationships but anything. Most people don’t want something if its handed to them on a plate! (Although I wouldn’t say no to a burger handed to me in that way!)
lol one of those medium well burgers 🍔.
I’m 50 now, & have done lots of online dating. In my experience, I was being very Avoidant, and attracted the same type. If everyone reads ‘Attached’, you’ll understand what you’re doing, and why. Being a player is fine, just be honest about it, whether male or female, straight or queer (in my opinion). And marriage does NOT have to be boring, nor even monogamous…
Author
Honesty is definitely important! I’m not married so can’t comment on how a marriage should be but I feel like there are enough examples of people the have anything but boring marriages to persevere if that starts to happen!
you are such a treasure – truely.
players are so much more exciting… There is a deliciousness about them. They are really quite irresistible… but they must also be kept in their place – they are delicious tasty players and that it is. Every now and again, a player leaves the market – when he meets his match. He finds a girl who just gets his nonsense.
Trying to change a man – or a girl -such a daft thing to do… surely we fall in love with the person then and there – and not who they might be in the future. Do men try and change us – or is it strictly our line…
i confess to never having that particular ambition, but have loved many a player over the last … 35 years… !!!
It is like everything in life – there is a time and a place – as long as you keep an open mind and an open heart and a wicked smile x
Author
Thank you for your kind words and awesome advice! I don’t think it’s a sense of wanting to change someone but that women often feel they are different to rest and therefore persist with a player in the hope that he will commit to her in a way that haven’t before!
absolutely …. and sadly this is the reason why you can’t tame a player … smiles x
So True Giulia. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this issue. I just nominated you for the blue sky tag award. You’ll find the post here https://mycelibacylife.wordpress.com/2017/08/31/my-very-first-blogger-award/
Author
Thank you, I’m glad it resonated with you. Thank you so much for nominating me!! 🙂 x
Haha! I’ve actually been thinking of bringing on some badass, lately for this very reason! 😀 But not in a big way. This was more acceptable when I was in my twenties. Mostly because shallow brings shallow and I’m too old for that! Thanks for the article.
Author
You’re welcome I’m glad you liked it 🙂