How To Play The Tinder Game

How To Play The Tinder Game

This article is mainly for my lovely single ladies, but it would great to hear men’s thoughts on what I’m about to share.

After having battled through Tinder & Bumble for near on 3 years,  I’m grateful that I met my partner in ‘real life’ as I truly believe that dating sites and apps are not the best way to meet the right person for you.  Sure, there are going to be some great examples of people that have had long term relationships, gotten married and even had children, but they are far and few between.  The majority of people go through a series of unsuccessful conversations, dates and flings and wonder what they are doing wrong. Let me tell you : you are not doing anything wrong except for the fact you are looking for something in the wrong place. There have been endless reports stating that men see Tinder in the same light as Angry birds or Candy Crush: a fun way to kill some time.

What these apps take away is the chance for real chemistry to form, for you to observe an individual in a natural environment where you will subconsciously pick up on non verbal cues and behaviours that will influence your judgement of that individual, as oppose to a series of pictures they have been carefully selected, and if you’re lucky, a two word bio stating their height.

But regardless, for many of us, Tinder & Bumble are still the main ways of finding potential dates and boyfriends/girlfriends so below are some tips that may help you navigate the tricky world of online dating:

  • Try where you can to have a good opening line – especially if you are using Bumble as for ladies that is the only way to start a conversation. It  shows you’ve paid attention to their profile pictures and bio, and is a bit more interesting than a bland ‘hi how are you?’
  • keep the conversation light hearted  for as long as possible. Try not to launch  into a rant about how you’ve been hurt in the past and can’t trust people, everybody has a back story but there is a time and place for when to share that and Tinder isn’t it.
  • Don’t come across too keen – I realise that this is easier said than done, especially if you like the person. Hint that you want to meet up but don’t suggest a time and place, don’t set the precedent that you are more into it than them, let them chase you, keep some mystery.
  •  If you make it to the date stage, try and pick somewhere casual –maybe have a plan B and tell them that you have somewhere to go in 3 hours so if it’s awful you can leave without feeling guilty. But at the same time..
  • Give people a chance – I used to pick people based on if I found them immediately attractive which was about a 0.003 second decision. Instead try to look closely at their profile and gauge what you can about someone’s character from the types of pictures they upload and what they write in their bio. Give people a chance, they may surprise you.
  • Try to be as objective as possible on the date and go in there with an open mind. If you meet them and they are 5ft 8 instead of the 6ft they assured you they were, don’t let it be a deal breaker. Don’t set too many expectations or put pressure on yourself for it to go a certain way. Try to get to know the person first before making any quick decisions.
  • Always have at least two people on the go – not for forever, but just to begin with. It allows you to keep your options open and not place too much emphasis on one person. If one person lets you down then you are less likely to kick off and be demanding. That’s not to say you have to be like that throughout but until you know someone’s true intentions with you, try to spread your eggs into a couple of baskets.
  • As hard as it sounds, try to be as laid back as possible about the whole thing. The majority of people don’t go on Tinder expecting to find a partner so set your own expectations in your head before you start using the app. Do you want some harmless fun? Do you want to date a few people? Do you want a serious relationship? Then use that to filter the type of people you come across. If you’re after a serious relationship, then maybe think twice about the guy who looks super hot but from his pictures and bio looks like he’s only after some fun. You’re only going to end up disappointed and waste your time.
  • Never be demanding, (until you are in relationship) but at the same time don’t be a pushover. There’s a fine line that you can tread and be successful on the app. Don’t demand that someone commits to you and deletes the app after one date but at the same time if you sleep with them and they don’t text you for a week, decide whether you should reply or not, or you set a precedent for that behaviour to keep happening.
  • Always maintain some mystery – which is a polite way of saying don’t sleep with them on the first date. In a world where people literally have thousands of options at the touch of their fingertips, if you give them everything they want with them only having to by you a couple of beers they will feel as though they have won without even trying and dismiss you. Trust me on this one. Give them something to chase.

To my lovely, ever faithful readers – what are your thoughts? x

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29 Comments

  1. Coyote from Orion
    March 26, 2017 / 6:03 pm

    Look at the business statement of Tinder. Highly destructive and potentially dangerous to individuals. If you haven’t done all that at 16 or 17 then you obviously weren’t cool and no amount of ‘success’ in the NWO can compensate. This is why Drew Barrymore is not only beautiful but also cool. Add class. Liars can’t steal a legend. If you need a medical degree to afford the sex (wife) you want… chances are she is only what they want because she was sneaking out to be with someone like me when we were all actually there and left half our minds there. Over 35’s have baggage and if they don’t there is an even bigger problem. A shame some kids will grow up to see how morally weak and self seeking their parents still were in their 30’s

  2. March 26, 2017 / 7:09 pm

    This is wonderful advice. I would only add, always be safe. Be sure to let a friend or family know when you’re going out with someone new!

    • March 27, 2017 / 9:51 am

      Thank you 🙂 that is also a very good point, I would always make sure to let my best friend know the person’s name and whichever bar I was heading to!

  3. March 26, 2017 / 9:21 pm

    Being an ‘oldtimer’ and a hopeless romantic, I can’t imagine I would use Tinder or go online to find my partner.
    I like to observe people first and have a conversation face to face.
    For me it just doesn’t feel right to use a dating app/website.

    • March 27, 2017 / 9:52 am

      I agree – I personally don’t think I will ever use it again, I much prefer meeting people in the real world, but as I’d spent so many years on the app before I thought I would share my two pennies!

  4. March 27, 2017 / 2:39 am

    Having been in a relationship for more than 10 years, I’m SO out of touch with the dating world, let alone using apps and online dating websites. Good to get some insight from someone else.

    • March 28, 2017 / 1:03 pm

      I’m very jealous of your situation!! You’re lucky to have never experienced dating apps 🙂

      • March 29, 2017 / 4:45 am

        And I’m jealous of yours! Seems a lot more exciting!

  5. March 27, 2017 / 5:52 am

    Great article. I have not used tinder yet, but this does give me some good insights. If I do use tinder, I will take some of these points into consideration.My experience with other online dating apps has not been good, but at least it gives you the opportunity to meet new people and see whats out there.

    • March 28, 2017 / 1:06 pm

      Thank you 🙂 I’m glad it has been of some use to you! It does definitely provide that opportunity that you wouldn’t have otherwise had to be exposed to so many people.: that’s probably the best positive of it!

  6. March 27, 2017 / 8:27 am

    Great article! Those are some awesome tips for my story, thank you!! 😀

    • March 28, 2017 / 1:06 pm

      You’re welcome I’m glad you enjoyed it 😕

  7. March 27, 2017 / 10:13 am

    Great read. I agree Tinder is the wrong place to look for romance. It’s a creep curator. Honestly, women should never encourage guys from having the balls to approach and strike up a conversation in real life. Tinder encourages men to puss out in order to perv out.

    • March 28, 2017 / 1:08 pm

      I like the term creep curator!! I agree, it gives men the option to be lazy from the start and therefore makes them more inclined to keep up that lazy attitude

  8. March 27, 2017 / 1:18 pm

    I’m married so I won’t be using Tinder but I think you give wise advice. I like that even though you prefered meeting your guy in real life you give good advice to those many girls who are going to use Tinder. I met my husband on ladies night in a dance club and, although we don’t have an unhappy marriage, I think Tinder would be a better way to meet people. Guys who troll ladies nights at bars are typically looking for sex, not relationships. With Tinder you will have an opportunity to ease into a relationship by setting a first date as a casual thing like you described. When a guy has been chatting you up all night at a bar and you’ve been sending signals that you’re into him, there will be a lot of pressure for the night to end in bed. I didn’t give in. I managed to, as you say, maintain some mystery for awhile to see if he would call me if I gave him my number. But there was a LOT of pressure that first night including hot kisses, touches, etc.

  9. March 27, 2017 / 7:12 pm

    I use Tinder and other such dating apps as a means to initially make meet someone and make contact. After chatting for a day or two, however, I’m ready to meet in person. With that being said, our generation today often expects instant gratification and it’s unfortunate that many use Tinder as means to solicit physical fun. I like the point you made about remaining mysterious. Furthermore, while one shouldn’t unleash their entire backstory over a Tinder message, I do think one should be up front about the reasons they are using the app, rather that be simply for a one night stand or if they are generally trying to make a real, substantial connection with a life partner. Of course, there are correct ways to go into that and timing is everything. Basically, I just use Tinder as a launch pad to network and make connections that will hopefully lead somewhere. Not every match is going to be the one, but it doesn’t hurt to give them a chance.

    • March 27, 2017 / 9:39 pm

      Giulia, your post made me think about other online person-to-person experiences. I want to ask you what you think of Skype? I guess some people think it could be a substitute for a face to face meeting to check someone out after contacting them on a site like Tinder. I often use social sites such as Goodreads and Facebook to chat with contacts about things not having to do with dating (I’m married). If it’s a guy I’m chatting with, about half the time he ends up wanting to Skype with me. Has this happened to you? Do you ever take them up on it? I feel it’s a rude thing to do. It’s kinda like coming over to the house and barging in unannounced. I’m probably not dressed or fixed up nice enough for someone to see even just my face online if I’m chatting on a social site. I could just tell them that I suppose but I usually just disconnect and write the guy off my contact list for being a jerk. I think if I agree to Skype with him, next thing he will want is for me to take my clothes off. Ugh! Am I being paranoid or am I right?
      By the way, in the USA we have lots of dating sites: Match, eHarmony and a long list of silly ones such as Christian Mingle and Farmers Only Dot Com. It’s getting ridiculous. Our TV is full of ads for these sites.

      • March 29, 2017 / 9:28 am

        Hey! It’s a tricky one to comment on as I don’t normally do that kind of thing. I think he best thing to do is for you to try and gauge how they are speaking to you before they ask to speak on Skype? And maybe ask them why they want to? Does your FB profile show clearly that you are married? Or perhaps find a way to bring up into conversation that you are married. I would certainly find it uncomfortable if someone asked me to do it, so you’re not alone! I don’t think you’re being paranoid 🙂
        Yes we also have all of those dating sites aswell as heaps of dating shoes too like the Bachelor, First Dates and Take Me Out!!

    • March 29, 2017 / 9:22 am

      I agree! I think it’s hard to find he right time to bring up what your intentions are on the app without asking outright and potentially scaring off the date by coming on too strong. But then every person and interaction is different so I guess it’s best to use your own judgement on that!

  10. April 14, 2017 / 8:08 pm

    That’s great advice. I think with a lot of the technological advances in life it has made “going out” a lot less appealing, when it’s best just to stay in or hang out at someone else’s house. Unless we are really looking, most rely on these apps because the social scene is incredibly hard. I think people have this sad standard in their mind of what they want, and those standards are way to hard. Plus we also suffer from the grass is greener syndrome… the advice is solid, and from a guy’s perspective, works on both ends of the spectrum. Thanks for sharing!!!

    • April 15, 2017 / 3:34 pm

      Totally agree and thanks for sharing your thoughts! People definitely think the grass is always greener and because people are so much easier to find with less effort they feel they can afford to wait until they find that one person that ticks every single box.

  11. April 21, 2017 / 8:39 am

    Those are great tips. I couldn’t agree more. Tinder is one of the best apps to meet people. As opposed to meeting with a guy in a club (nothing wrong with meeting one there) But most of them are after sex and not relationships. With Tinder, you will have an opportunity to chat with someone and arrange a casual date and know how it goes from there.

    • April 21, 2017 / 1:30 pm

      Thank you, glad you found the tips useful 🙂

  12. July 4, 2017 / 6:14 am

    I agree… most people subconsciously believe Tinder is some type of relationship video game, instead of an online dating venue (or app) for single professionals.

    I also agree with most of your thoughts. As a straightforward man, I would prefer women to be as honest as possible

    • July 10, 2017 / 9:46 am

      Exactly! I’m glad you agree 🙂 But it’s good to know there are straightfoward, non game playing men out there!

    • July 12, 2017 / 8:58 pm

      Thank you so much lovely 😘

  13. July 20, 2017 / 3:53 am

    I couldn’t agree more with all of these tips! I approach tinder with zero expectations, it saves me from the disappointment 😂

    • August 3, 2017 / 5:10 pm

      Glad you agree 🙂 definitely better to have zero expectations and anything extra is a bonus!

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