In my short 25 years of life I have been through my fair share of breakups; some initiated by me, some expected, some completely out of the blue. But what I have learnt, over time, is that following the below steps are key to allowing yourself to move on and not wallowing or clinging to your past.
Grieve – set yourself a time limit and use that time to properly grieve the relationship. Cry as much as you need, rely on your friends/family and reflect on the relationship. It might sound strange to suggest doing this, but if it doesn’t happen at the very beginning, it will only end up happening at a later stage of the moving on process.
Reflect – even if someone has broken up with you and you were madly in love and didn’t see it coming, try to take a step back and reflect on what wasn’t working in the relationship. Perhaps at the time you could only look at the relationship through rose tinted glasses, but now that you have had to take them off, is there anything glaringly obvious that just wasn’t quite right?
Vent – on paper, to friends, in a diary (or a blog?), everything that you feel was left unsaid, any hate (or love) that you want to hurl at them, write it all down. It’s so cathartic. You will honestly feel like a weight is off your shoulders once you do.
Space – depending on how the relationship ends, try to create space between you and your ex. Whether that means not speaking, not hanging out with the same friends – just make sure you do something to give both of you time to move on to avoid the doomed scenario of falling back into each others beds/lives.
Digital Detox – in this day and age, you can break up with someone but still know their every move by obsessively stalking them on Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/Twitter. My advice to you would be to STOP. Whether that means deleting them/hiding their profile/removing them as a friend, just do SOMETHING to remove the temptation to check what they are doing without you. It will never end well and you will drive yourself insane scrutinising their every move. I can’t stress enough how freeing it feels to cut someone out of your life.
Remove their number – this ties into digital detox but I feel like it merits its own point. Delete their phone number NOW. Write it down in a safe place or give it a friend to look after, but whatever you do, don’t keep it on your phone. It will create too temptation when you are down/lonely/drunk to reach out to them, not realising that this will set you back 10 steps.
Focus on YOU – whether you have been in a relationship for a month, a year or ten years, that time has involved being consumed by someone else, now it’s time to focus on YOU. What makes you happy? What drives you? What can you do to be the best possible version of you? Not only will this give you something amazing (aka you) to spend your time on, but it will also detract the time and energy you spend thinking and worrying about your ex.
Do NOT blame yourself – unless you cheated. It takes two to make a relationship work and I genuinely believe that everything happens for a reason. You have absolutely no idea who or what is around the corner, but over time you will realise that everything is an experience and that your happiness doesn’t end here.
LEARN – after enough time has passed and you can look at the relationship somewhat objectively, you may be able to see where things went wrong, what worked, what didn’t. How you have changed or grown as a person and most importantly, what you are and aren’t willing to put up with in your next relationship.
To my readers – what are your thoughts? Have I missed any important steps?
Don’t make the same mistake twice?
Author
also a very good point!!
I got together with a girl in the media when I left the health sector. We had great chemistry and she assured me she wasn’t a drug user. Within about 3 weeks it was apparent that she was a raging junkie. I went through all that and got my act together by 24 at the expense of all peer support etc… Getting away from this girl was scary. I can kick my way out of a police van but this girl was scary. My bad was seeing through her shit. I knew when she had no bed there was an issue. She just started putting me up on the workbench in her room.
Great list, especially number one. Learning from the experience is also very important.
Author
I agree, experience makes all the difference and hopefully stops you making the same mistakes over and over.
The social media one is huge, unfollow and delete all numbers and handles, I completely agree with this
Author
Thanks Matt! Glad you agree 🙂
Excellent post with excellent points!
Author
Thank you very much 🙂
I think it’s important to remember that there are steps to grieving. Especially, if you have lost a significant relationship, it is a lot like dealing with death, and is a loss for which you quite possibly will encounter all the steps of grief. 🙂
Author
I totally agree that is it like dealing with a loss!
This post is very wise
Author
Thanks!
Some people marry well… others aren’t very clever when choosing mates.
My answer to breakups has always been chocolate, science fiction movies, and books. A little rough on the waistline, but it works all the same.
Author
Actually I’ve always found a new series/book to indulge in to distract myself from real life during the getting over process too!!
My answer has been to review and never do what went wrong again. Anyone who has ever found they were with a psycho knows this. I will never get together with a dangerous psychopath girl again. Present feline housemate excluded. Rather no relationship than a bad one.
I’ve recently gone through my first serious breakup and I have to say all of your points are spot on. You hit the nail on the head with this post. Thanks for showing that we all go through the same feelings!
Author
Thank you for your kind words and I’m glad you agree 🙂
Eating – whatever you like. Worse than sadness after a breakup? being sad and hungry!
Author
Haha that is also very true!!
eating – whatever you like. Because worse than being sad after a breakup is a being sad and hungry
Reblogged this on Penned at Pemberley and commented:
Love may be universal, but so are breakups. Check out this great article to learn some great tips about getting over those post-relationship blues.
Author
Thank you very much 🙂
Something that I wrote about recently is after the initial break up, how to handle the memories from the relationship; should we suppress them, should we indulge in them, should we share them with our current/future partners??
I think you need to keep in mind (maybe not during the breakup per say…) that you were with the person for a good reason despite a possible bad ending and it’s okay to cherish the good memories; just don’t dwell on them.
Great post- as usual. 🙂
Author
thank you very much 🙂 I don’t think we should surpress them at all, by doing that it’s almost as though it’s wrong to have the memories. I think if they come into your head, let them play out and then move on!
First of, thank you for following and liking many of my blog posts! It means a lot to me! So far, I am enjoying reading your blog! I love this post! I just went through a breakup a few months ago and went through some of these topics and feelings written in this article!
Author
No problem at all 🙂 you’ve got a great blog! Thank you, im glad you could relate to this post!!
Thank you so much! Glad you like my blog!
Good advice from such a young person. I know I was a mess after my divorce. Unfortunately, when there are kids involved you cannot cut them completely out but I know I started doing better when I only contacted him about the kids
Author
Thank you, yes I can imagine that this article would be entirely different if children were involved and would also make the moving on process that much harder because you can never rid yourself of them in your life!
At your age there are always plenty of other mistakes in the ocean!
Author
haha I like this!!
Love your tips. I have a few to add on those ones here https://wefaithful.wordpress.com/2017/04/13/10-steps-to-help-you-get-over-your-ex/
Author
I’ll check it out!
Reblogged this on WETHEFAITHFUL and commented:
I love the tips you gave.
Author
Thank you very much 🙂
Focus on you! 100% with you on that.. Great post..
Author
Thank you 🙂 glad you liked it and agree!
💘❤
Author
Thank you 🙂