From Soulmate To Stranger

From Soulmate To Stranger
Today I bumped into a guy I hadn’t seen in 18 months at the office, by the water machine. He said a polite hello and then walked back to his desk. To an outsider it would have looked like any regular exchange that happens between two work colleagues but inside my heart plummeted right down to my stomach and almost out of my butt.
This guy was an ex, who I had split from 18 months ago and was one of the main drivers for me to move to London, to get away from him and the whole drama that surrounded our breakup.
Without going into too much detail, if you’ve read my previous post Why Being The Other Woman Has Skewed My Perception Of MenΒ he’s the last guy on the list of guys where I have been the other woman.
When we eventually ended up together, a few months into the relationship he went to Ibiza and behaved differently when he came back. A picture surfaced on social media of him with a girl, it looked harmless, just the two of them stood next to each other. But my gut could tell there was more to it, I left him, and he is now engaged to that girl.
We met in work, at the water machine no less, and our relationship spiralled into a passionate, intense, all consuming time that was both incredible and draining. Above everything he was my best friend, I confided in him about everything, he knew my deepest darkest secrets.
And that’s why today, when I saw him again for the first time since we’d split, I felt an immense amount of sadness that all that time, passion and emotion had whittled down to nothing more than a simple passing hello.
There are millions of songs, books and films that talk about partners becoming nothing more than strangers but today was the first time I experienced it in such an obvious manner. It made me fear future relationships, how do we know we’re not investing all our time, efforts and love into someone that one day will be nothing more than a stranger to us?
To my readers – I’d love to know if you’ve ever experienced anything similar?
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70 Comments

  1. FNU MNU LNU
    December 20, 2016 / 4:54 pm

    Oh yes, and it was so incredibly painful.

    “Back in March when Dawn saw me talking to one of the courtroom clerks and gave me those β€œDeath Stares”, I can’t even begin to describe exactly how that made me feel. I was so happy to see her. I was so unhappy about how things had turned out. I wished that Dawn would have stopped and we could have talked, and was so hurt by just how much things have changed.”

    In hindsight, she had stopped and was kind of just hanging out behind a van in the parking lot, then looked like she was fumbling wit the door to the garage, and then drove by really slowly. Maybe those were my chances to go and try to talk with her, my chances to fix things.

    I hope not, because it would kill me to have missed an opportunity to let her know…

    • December 20, 2016 / 5:10 pm

      Thank you for sharing this story – I’m glad there are others that can relate! It’s hard to know whether they are genuine opportunities or whether we are ‘looking’ for them, I know that that is something I often to. I hope you are able to come across another opportunity!

      • FNU MNU LNU
        December 20, 2016 / 5:13 pm

        it’s too late. and I am pretty sure that it wasn’t, just me hoping that it was…

  2. December 20, 2016 / 4:54 pm

    This hit home for me in so many ways. I’ve had this experience with the person I recently ended things with. It’s so hard going back to being friends with someone you once loved. But you’ll get through it. *hugs*. I loved this πŸ’™

    • December 20, 2016 / 5:10 pm

      It really is, it feels so surreal, as though you’re both role playing and will eventually snap back to your usual ways with each other. I’m glad you liked the post πŸ™‚

  3. December 20, 2016 / 5:18 pm

    Oh yes. Seven years ago I had a gut wrenching affair with a married man 15 years my senior. We took turns being emotionally ripped apart and devastated. Even after we ended things neither of us was over it one iota.

    I’m not sure what happened but finally, earlier this year, the spell was broken. When I get a text from him not only does my heart NOT skip a beat, I can’t even bothered to reply. His birthday recently passed and I barely noticed. When he texts me his picture I think: Good heavens, what was I thinking?

    It makes me sad as it makes me doubt all my current emotions. Will they one day drift into the ether like smoke?

    • December 20, 2016 / 5:38 pm

      Thank you for sharing your story – yo u must feel proud that he no longer has a hold on you. I’m sure your emotions won’t drift like they have done for him.. it was probably down to how to the situation ended and how you felt ’emotionally ripped apart’, when you find someone that doesn’t do that, I’m sure you’ll be just fine πŸ™‚

      • December 20, 2016 / 10:49 pm

        thanks for your kind words!

        I tell myself the same thing. The whole affair- while sometimes beautiful, was ruinous for both of us emotionally. I think my “indifference” is more “shellshock” than fickleness.

    • FNU MNU LNU
      December 20, 2016 / 7:16 pm

      thats actually pretty sad to read.

  4. December 20, 2016 / 7:18 pm

    Yes, I think it happens to everyone… at least anyone lucky enough to fall in love multiple times.

    Needless to say, it has certainly happened to me many times. However, I think each relationship is a gift. There’s a reason for everything… and a reason each relationship ends.

    It is sad to think about love lost but people change. Those who are important enough will remain in my life.

    • December 21, 2016 / 12:19 pm

      You’re right.. I do believe that every relationship teaches you something and shapes who you are as a person!

  5. December 20, 2016 / 7:26 pm

    Not my place to comment, as a man and of another generation, but one thing I would like to say is to my mind you can write, you can hold attention, use words in a way that more than your age can relate, there is more than a blog in you I feel. Good luck to you.

    • December 21, 2016 / 12:20 pm

      Thank you very much for your kind words! I have actually just finished writing my first novel.. let’s hope others share your view on it too πŸ™‚

      • December 21, 2016 / 1:45 pm

        Good to hear … my first book based on an internet liaison (not mine!) will be out by March with a 5000 word ‘preview’ coming out online in an ‘Anthology of New Writing’ early in the New Year. Please let me know how you get on with yours.. Eric.

        • December 21, 2016 / 3:29 pm

          That sounds excellent! I would be intrigued to read the preview in the New Year.. Congratulations πŸ™‚

  6. December 20, 2016 / 8:16 pm

    Ah you know, I think it’s the whole moral of “once a cheater, always a cheater”. Those sort of guys can drop em off as quickly as they can pick em up.

  7. December 20, 2016 / 8:18 pm

    Something similar happened to me. Had a short but very intense relationship with a guy from work which he then 180d on. Was working with him a couple of months later and making polite conversation, and mentioned something about how his parents give him loads of money.

    He asked “How did you know that?” Errm… BECAUSE WE USED TO GO OUT. In that small moment I just knew he’d completely forgotten about me.

    • December 21, 2016 / 4:27 am

      Girl, I had an intense short-term relationship that got 180d too… I hear you. I hope he finally took his head out of his ass and realized who you are! Did you ever get an explanation from him about why the sudden change?

      • December 21, 2016 / 1:56 pm

        He tried to make excuses at the time but tbh I think he just got bored.

        • December 21, 2016 / 2:33 pm

          Awww I’m sorry… I don’t understand how intense relationships can suddenly become boring though. My experience was just too much, too fast, too soon. Whatever the real reason, he may not have been ready for you! It’s hard finding a guy who is, am I right? 😏
          https://samanthaproject.wordpress.com/2016/10/29/dave/

    • December 21, 2016 / 12:24 pm

      Thank you for sharing this! How unbelievable that he said that! You will definitely be better off without him πŸ™‚

  8. December 20, 2016 / 11:12 pm

    You’re not alone! I also fear relationships. It’s a huge investment of time and the heart. What if it doesn’t work out? That is the first thing that pops into my mind, as opposed to What if this is the one? Some of us have to kiss a few frogs to find our prince. Don’t give up, there’s a good guy out there, go find him x

    • December 21, 2016 / 12:26 pm

      You’re totally right.. we need to change our attitudes to more positive/hopeful ones.. maybe in turn that will influence our future relationships too! thank you πŸ™‚ x

  9. December 21, 2016 / 4:25 am

    God, I feel that way about anyone I date… if there was good sex and even sometimes passion, it’s hard for me to let go… and if we see each other somewhere down the road after it ended it’s a bit awkward and sad in a way. Luckily that hasn’t happened to me yet, it’s just how I imagine it would be.

    There’s one guy in particular I had an intense whirlwind of a relationship with that I still think about from time to time, and I’ve been in situations where I’d see him (but I saw him out of the corner of my eye only once, and not sure he saw me). I was going to say hi in an attempt to be polite and avoid any awkwardness, but he’d already left before I could. I still wonder what it would be like if we were in a position to have a conversation, and what would happen.

    • December 21, 2016 / 12:29 pm

      I’m glad you can relate too.. thanks for sharing your story! I’m glad i’m not the only one to have ever experienced this. Perhaps one day you will have the opportunity again?

  10. December 21, 2016 / 1:50 pm

    It is a big risk! But with no risk you don’t gain anything. Now you are much wiser to things and can read warning signs better and hopefully it won’t happen again. In terms of a meaningful time shared with someone only boiling down to a short hello, I understand how it may hurt but if he did you wrong then I wouldn’t see any point in talking to him. It’s worked out for the best and you can focus on a better future 😊

    • December 21, 2016 / 3:30 pm

      Thank you for your kind words πŸ™‚ I agree that it will definitely help in reading warning signs in the future and being less naive.

  11. December 22, 2016 / 8:06 am

    I got a couple of stories for you ….

    I ran into my ex once at a chinese restraunt one day as I was coming home from work. I had just gotten married and out of the blue who did I see ???Her! awkward!!!! She asked how I was and I said fine and she congratulated me on getting married, she then announce she is getting married as well to someone I didn’t know. Awkward …again.

    But best one is at my mother’s funeral my ex wife shows up with our grandkids and my son and I show up with my then fiancΓ© (now my wife) and my ex wife walks over and ask…so are you going to introduce us ? Which I did…several of my aunts were there and saw the whole exchange they even said wow that must be awkward lol

    • December 23, 2016 / 11:30 am

      Oh my goodness!! what awful situations, especially the last one – I can imagine that was very awkward, especially given the setting. Thank you for sharing them!!

  12. ladyinthemountains
    December 23, 2016 / 6:02 pm

    It is real sad for me that my ex-husband and I don’t speak at all. We were married for 23 years and our kids are grown. If we do talk about anything, we fight. I called to ask about his mom after she had a heart attack and we ended up fighting. It is easier to not talk to him at all. I have no idea what is going on in his life, nor he mine.

  13. December 26, 2016 / 9:07 pm

    After knowing my ex and being the best of friends for 6 years he finally gave into the love he felt for me. He knew I loved him. He knew I ran away to England just so I could forget him. I called off my wedding to a Scotsman and came home to NY. We wound up dating for almost 2 years. He was married but I didn’t care because I was a better match. We’re soulmates. When we broke up I spent 2 months crying, not eating and wishing he would come to his sense. And I still couldn’t let him go. We are still the best of friends. We still text and have lunch together. And I still miss him.

    • December 27, 2016 / 10:52 am

      That is so sad πŸ™ Thank you for sharing that, I’m glad you are still able to be friends and have him in your life in some form! Sending you a virtual hug! πŸ™‚ x

  14. December 28, 2016 / 1:19 am

    Thank you for sharing with such poetic detail. I really look forward to reading more and more of your work. From one side of the pond to the other best wishes and happy new year.

      • December 29, 2016 / 11:30 pm

        I really did enjoy it. All your writing is very entertaining and touching.

  15. December 28, 2016 / 9:19 pm

    I can relate to this.. totally. :/

  16. December 30, 2016 / 7:28 pm

    Yep. You’re not alone. It breaks my heart 😭

  17. December 30, 2016 / 8:27 pm

    You’ve read my blog, so you know I’ve gone through some rough breakups, and honestly, other than the Boy, all of them have turned into strangers! But that doesn’t make it meaningless. Each one has given me some insight into myself and what I want. When they’re not a good fit, you’ve got to decide which parts are what you’re looking for and which parts made them just not quite the one. Then take that insight into the next relationship and make sure not to repeat the same mistakes. Doesn’t make it hurt any less when you do run into them… at least not if you’re single at the time, but it helps give some perspective in the long run. Hang in there! Thanks for sharing your feelings with us!

    • December 30, 2016 / 8:59 pm

      Thank you for this πŸ™‚ you are right, every relationship is a learning curve and a brings you a step closer to know what you want and don’t want. Glad you enjoyed the post and hope all is well with you πŸ™‚

  18. December 31, 2016 / 2:07 pm

    I remember when I was with my previous ex, and we were walking through a busy street in the centre of town, and a really pretty girl nodded at him and he said, ‘hello’, curtly. I remember asking him who she was and he told me she was his ex girlfriend of four years. And they seemed like almost strangers on the street. I remember feeling immensely sad because in my gut I knew eventually him and I would be ‘nodding’ at each other on the streets, whittled down to mere strangers. Looking back, I am disappointed I stuck with him knowing that in my gut. I guess sometimes there are early warning signs that we shouldn’t be putting that much effort into things we might regret later on down the line, but we cling on hoping that things might get better or change. I guess in the end, though, we DO learn from these experiences, and they aren’t complete wastes of time! I wish you all the very best. πŸ™‚
    Lenora

    • January 1, 2017 / 4:57 pm

      Thank you very much for sharing this, I guess its a case of do we allow ourselves to fall in love knowing that one day we may end up hurt, or do we not even allow ourselves to leap into relationships? But you’re right in that they definitely are all experiences to learn from in one way or another πŸ™‚ x

      • January 1, 2017 / 5:05 pm

        I think life is about risking things to find happiness πŸ™‚

  19. January 2, 2017 / 9:24 am

    I absolutely adore this post, it would be interesting to swap stories I think. Sounds like the story of my life! Being the other woman is heartbreaking. Heart goes out to you girl! Xx

  20. January 4, 2017 / 6:15 pm

    Break ups hurt more if your boyfriend is also your best friend. Relationships nowadays have become so fickle that we all can relate to this post.

    • January 6, 2017 / 9:06 am

      Thank you – glad you can relate πŸ™‚

  21. January 8, 2017 / 6:36 pm

    I can definitely relate, I was with my ex-wife for 19 years and two and a half years on from breaking up I don’t know her at all anymore. I wrote about the transition from life partners to strangers, it’s such a strange and difficult thing to go through.

  22. January 17, 2017 / 11:47 pm

    I feel like I’ve skipped to this point in a matter of weeks. I wished her well on her assignments, she said thanks. That’s all we had for each other after months of conversations, laughs, plans and excitement. Good luck on a grade you won’t even remember in a year.

    • January 18, 2017 / 8:51 am

      How sad πŸ™ I hope you are OK – I’m sending you a virtual hug!

      • January 18, 2017 / 11:10 pm

        I will be =) just one of those things. It wicks now but every day will suck a little less I’m sure

        • January 19, 2017 / 2:10 pm

          Of course it will! It’s cliched to say but time is the best healer!

  23. January 31, 2017 / 10:44 am

    This is to relatable…. I was talking to a guy for a year, we became friends, hung out had a great time, a couple of weeks ago he disrespected me. He talked all of this stuff when I was on the east coat, when I got here only saw him one time, and he tried to move so quick. I thought …well I was open to him being the one… he even said he loved me, but couldn’t back it up. Now we’re strangers. And it’s like damn. He shows up at my house looking for me. Never tells me how he feels. Always holds back. He said I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but truth is he wasn’t.

  24. Coyote from Orion
    February 20, 2017 / 10:02 pm

    Most guys… or guys like that are never best friends with anybody. They could not live without sex either. Sorry to say this. I am a bloke and have to share changerooms with them. They often get men like me to clean up their spew so to speak. I kick the footy with their kids when they are too drunk. I don’t sleep with their wives because I respect…. something. They chatter in millions and spend in thousands. They have never fought for their lives… or anyone else’s. They would be incredulous if it were suggested that she ever fakes it. Not that they care. Last time I asked one where the G spot was I had to listen to him talk about his sphincter. No on her I fought to stop his little talk. Us men are not complicated. Boring really. You guys give us too much credit and often go for liars. All that glitters ain’t gold. Most of them have never stood up for themselves. They will usually stand up for their right to cheat though… because the only fight they can ever win is always in their own home

  25. February 23, 2017 / 6:17 pm

    we don’t know, we take chances, we improvise. we have no idea how it’s gonna end. I here you. I have an ex, I was so crazy about him, it lasted for 5 years on and off and it was finally done last September. Haven’t ran into him just yet and hoping it doesn’t happen anytime soon but, but I sometimes think about how we would probably pass each other by and that makes me sad a bit at times. But it is what it is and I think it does get easier with time and truth be told, a lot better if we are lucky enough that new face (right one) replaces the old face πŸ™‚

    • February 24, 2017 / 10:08 am

      I’m sorry to hear that! But I’m glad you have a positive outlook on it. Time is definitely the biggest healer and I can assure you that one day even if you do pass them in the street you won’t flinch or look twice!

  26. March 8, 2017 / 9:43 pm

    There is no feeling comparable to this. And sometimes the “Let’s just be friends” is more torture than cutting off all ties.

    • March 10, 2017 / 12:31 pm

      I totally agree – a clean break is usually easier to handle!

  27. June 2, 2017 / 7:40 pm

    At that moment when you bump into him after 18 months did you ever think” i wish to spend time with him now”?

    • June 4, 2017 / 4:40 pm

      Spend time to say hello and see how he was doing but not anything more than that πŸ™‚

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