For those of you that have lived in London, you will have no doubt experienced the daily nightmare that is the London tube. Despite the 60 second arrivals during rush hour, there is somehow a continuous overspill of people, crushing themselves into the 2mm of space available as though they were running away from zombies rather than hurrying along to work.
Here I break down the 5 most annoying types of commuters I come across!
- The fire breathing dragon – they have raced onto the tube with seconds to spare and now spend the next 15 minutes of the tube journey smoking air out of every possible orifice to try and catch their breath back. They make sure to angle their potent morning breath in the direction of as many commuters as possible to ensure everyone is aware of their dragon breathing qualities
- The not so subtle pervert – it’s 830 in the morning on a Tuesday and approximately four times as many people as there should be are crammed into every carriage. Creepy Clive takes this perfect opportunity to press his hairy pot belly into the back of whichever unfortunate lady happens to be standing infront of him. It’s not his fault, it is the morning after all.
- The couldn’t give a shitter – Despite the tube being overflowing like a shaken can of Coke, these particular individuals like to drape themselves across the entirety of one pole like a pitiful pole dancer. Cue a series of awkward attempts from other commuters trying to pinch a spot on the pole with their fingers whilst trying to avoid said pole dancers ears/arms/stomach/legs that have entwined themselves around the pole as though they are one.
- The foghorns – you’re within kissing distance of about 29 people yet some idiot in a suit at Clapham Common decides to order everyone in the carriage to ‘MOVE DOWN AND MAKE ROOM FOR EVERYONE ELSE.’ Because you know, who doesn’t want another 6 people pressed up against your face/mouth/leg/back/armpit/butt?
- The flying spider – those deluded individuals that think they can cheat the tube system and stand without holding onto anything, resulting in them flying 3 metres down the tube as soon as it starts, barging straight into that tiny personal space that Londoner’s have adjusted to and leading to a series of red faces and awkward apologies. Seriously, just hold the damn pole.
One of the worst things in my opinion is when people will see a tube is full, and rather than just wait for the next one coming in 3 minutes time, squeeze in ensuring no-one else has any room to breathe. Or along with your pervert point, the guys that touch your bum when standing behind you on a crowded tube thinking you won’t notice!
Author
I couldn’t agree more! I’ve never lived in a city where people are so eager to cram into a tube to get to work instead of waiting a whopping 60 seconds for the next one. I hate those pervy men that try and grope you unnoticed! Glad you share my pain though!
Man oh man I hated riding the tube. And I’ve had my share of not so subtle perverts and I’m a guy. In fact, one time I really hope it was a roll of coins he had in his pocket. That or he was very happy to see me.
Great blog! Instant follow!
Author
Really? That’s interesting to know that guys have similar experiences too! Glad you like my blog 🙂
Yeah, I don’t know whether it’s an intentional attraction to me per say but you get some guys on the tube that for some reason get aroused for being so close to you or maybe they see an attractive woman and you’re on the end of it. I think all manners go out of the window when you hit those escalators though. I’ve had some unbelievable experiences at London Bridge and King’s Cross first thing in the morning.
Author
I think all manners go out the window on any transport systems in London, especially any ideals of personal space. Hope you are ok after your London Bridge and Kings Cross experiences!!
Yeah I am slightly emotionally scarred but luckily I get to work from home these days so I don’t have to experience that!
I have never experienced this before. But I loved this post 🙂 I just love the way you described these different people…
Author
Thank you very much 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed reading it!
This was hilarious!!Enjoyed it!
Author
thank you I’m glad you liked it 🙂
I’ve come across all those types on the Tube! Great description.
Author
Thank you very much! Glad you can relate 🙂
Yep – these all exist and are awful. Can I add the inconsiderate backpack wearer? Oh and not just backpacks I’ve been stabbed in the stomach with sharp edged hand bags too!
I have on occasion inserted myself between a pervert and a woman when I saw some guy hanging over a shorter lady even when there was plenty of space!
Author
I did forget the inconsiderate backpacker wearer, they are extremely annoying!
haha! so true! don’t know how to like your post (new to this) but loving it x
Author
Thank you very much 🙂 x
Where would noticing a guy is wearing a ladies’ thong rank? Haha.
Author
hahaha it would definitely be in the top 3!! Was it just a thong and nothing else?!
Haha no, jeans had just slipped a bit. Does that change it?
On second thought, would you call this ‘annoying’? That might be unfair haha
Author
You’re right.. probably not annoying, more just peculiar!!
Haha what would you have done in that situation?
Is it rude to comment?
Author
Not at all! Go ahead 🙂
Haha I meant would it be rude to comment on the thong situation?
Author
I don’t think I would be brave enough to!
Me neither, but if you were – what would you have to say?
Author
Just politely inform him that his underwear is sticking out from his pants! How about you?
Haha that’s so nice! Now I know you’d be kind I have to admit, I am the guy in question 😬🙈 no judging please!
Author
haha what a turn of events! I didn’t see that coming 🙂
Haha sorry I wasn’t entirely honest, I do worry they’ll be on show in public and mean people will see 🙁
(Apologies for the weirdness, I feel bad!)
Author
no problem at all! It was an interesting conversation 🙂
Haha you sure? Have you come across this thi(o)ng before? Thanks for not judging!
Author
Of course not!! Living in London has made me more open minded to pretty much everything and anything 🙂
The beauty of the city! I’m keen to try other feminine things but nothing too obvious, any suggestions?